you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
