1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Acid is not a monday night drug
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
