Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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