It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
