After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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