You can't motorboat a personality
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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