...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
