I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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