which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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