I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
whose parrot is this?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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