You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize