So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
