The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Farmville is her only friend.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
