i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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