I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
