At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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