He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
