we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
