So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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