You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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