I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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