Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
