??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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