Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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