Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
