If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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