brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
