dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
