i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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