I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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