I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
