if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
