Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
