Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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