He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
