the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
