He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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