ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
