what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
