yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
