eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I love having hate sex.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
In other news, I just burned my penis
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
