dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
