took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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