I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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