at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
