i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
