I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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