ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
