..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
