My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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