I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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