I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
