Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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