just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
