Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
