There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
