so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
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You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.