Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
