just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
