He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
