Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
