I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
