I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize