How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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