I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
