She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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