I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
