Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
