I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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