let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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