That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
