I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
