Your dad touched me again.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
worst night to have a conscience
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
