i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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