are you still at the devil's house?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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