Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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