I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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